Okay...anyone have the kind of car that shows you have lets say "150 miles till E" or at least shows you how much you got left till your car "breaksdown" ?
Or you hear a growl coming from a dog before he loses it on you?
Can you imagine if you had a countdown till you "breakdown" or "lose it?
Can you imagine if it said "okay Karen, you have 10 sucky days left before you break down "-or drop off the kids off someplace safe cause your about to lose it in ...3....2...1!
THAT WOULD BE GREAT!
BUT........
Lets say this..You DONT have a gas gage that shows you how close you are to breakin down or the dog DOESNT growl - just remains silent and out of nowhere loses it on you.
You would have NO idea when your world is breaking down or losing it....... THATS what im talkin about.
Obviously everyone has their bad days, weeks, months (should I go on?) but when there is no warning or reason at that moment before you do, it is a scary thing.
Happened to me in August..stress and depression and all I went thru the past 6 months decided to hit me and have a party on August 7th. Everything went double vision, tremors and other physical stuff all happened to me within 20 minutes. I could have sworn I was having a stroke. Thankfully Jimmy was there and he held me thru it- yes Im getting personal about my life ( Thats me..open book.)
Then the crying spells started. Id cry cause I didnt know what to make for dinner that nite (yes ya'll I cook..shut up) Then mind started to go- I would seriously forget the kid in the car, hold a cereal box and wonder why?
I knew something was wrong . After a hundred appts at diff doctors (Im exaggerating- but seriously felt like 100 appts).. they came up with severe depression
Wait a minute..I crack jokes??? ....Im a happy person? ...I have Christs peace and comfort & I turn to him? If I was THAT depressed, wouldnt I just lay in bed and eat Ho-Ho's? Nah- actually anxiety masks itself with depression. Ya see, I had no warning,,,,My problem was taking care of the problems in the past, then be done with them..move on.. and if any of you know me well, then you know all that has happened in my life the past 3 years...CONSTANT CHAOS!
Yeah-I took care of all the problems right then, but shoved the incident and emotions that I shouldve gone thru in the back of my mind... & I would put on a happy face ..crack a joke or what ever it took to keep on keepin on.Whatever it took for people to see the Karen they knew... I was damaging myself and never knew it.
Long story short, Meds have been switched (I gots me lots of nice perty colored pills!!) , I force myself to go on FB even tho I feel I have so much to do-I gotta take a break ...I force myself to continue to let my heart and mind come together and write in my journal or when I feel the need, write a blog. I have my good days and bad days... one day Im happy , one day you dont wanna cross my path...but the important thing is I have learned and am allowing these feeling to come out and deal with them, cause I definetly dont want my gas gage to drop to "E" or be ripped apart by a dog anymore. Im coming out of my depression real well, which unfortunetly is now unveiling the anxiwty portion I have to go thru...Its not easy AT ALL But Im thankful for friends and family who hang in there with me , for the people I cry to when one day im happy cause I have another day..or cry when I cant find my other shoe!
Thanks for takin the time to read this~Remember to take time FOR YOURSELF AS WELL !!
If you wanna comment do so but no negitive comments~world has enough negativity already!
God Bless ~Peaceout!
Friday, October 11, 2013
Sunday, September 22, 2013
First off I want to say I love my Mom, Peggy ! She deserves an award of the highest honor for raising me....She was faced with some hard times in life and she got thru it. She is a loving woman..she is a strong woman ..... shes there when I need her and does whatever she is able to do physically mentally, emotionally ...but with that being said...she is also the most stubborn woman in the world!!! Also, unfortunetly I think due to my dads sudden death 16 years ago , has become more negative thruout the years -almost a "Debbie Downer", "Jonnie Raincloud". You could tell her the sky is blue and she would say" I think its grey....rain is coming..there goes my chance of hanging clothes on the line"...Remember Eyore from Winnie the Pooh? Yeah.
One of the things she keeps for reasons only God knows, is magazines. Seriously- from like 1970 on. When my brother or sister or I ask her why..she says "cause there may be an article or recipe in there"....SERIOUSLY??? Well, sure enough, last year when I was going thru a depressing time in my life,
( my Best Buddy who lived cross the states died of a heart attack) , she brings me an article FROM 1978 ON PRE MENTOPAUSAL AND HOW TO GET THRU IT!! WHAT???? Ma, seriously, thank you, but I would like to introduce you to a thing umm...called the uhhh...INTERNET? I am crying over the death of a loved one Ma.."Well, I thing you should read this anyway..you never know!" she says...WOW.
Which brings me to the other thing she hoards...CLOTHES! She has a guest room closet that I call the "overflow of clothes closet that I didnt even know a closet was there behind the clothes she had to hang on the trim cause the closet was so full" closet. My mom is a hoarder. Not the gross kind like on TV and people live with skelatal remains of cats they didnt know they had, but enough to make her feel so overwhelmed she doesnt wanna even touch it. After speaking with her about giving it to consignment shops or Purple Heart, SHE GAVE IN -WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So gently, we went thru , no lie, approx 400 pieces of clothing hung up in the closet. They were VERY nice brands, which made it easier to give to consignment for her to at least get some financial help for them. In fact so nice...THEY HAD THE PRICE TAGS ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone remember Gimbles? Strawbridge and Clothier? Well Im sure they would remember her SHE BOUGHT SO MUCH FROM THEM!!!!!!!!!!! Holy tags! Also, can we talk about the fact that my mom loved that Scottish plaid print? I dont even think a bagpiper has that much plaid! WOW! I dont know what size she is, cause she had so many different sizes in there, I thnk she could clothe the Duggar family! Some things she didnt even know she had, and got all excited caUse it was like Christmas for her! But lemme tell you - she knew and I got the story on EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING and why she bought it,,,who she was with....if it was on sale....and the event she bought it for. The hardest was when I pulled an outfit out-minus the skirt, that she wore for my Dads Funeral. She wanted to keep it-the jacket- cause everyone said she looked pretty in it that day. That was a hard but loving moment. Well after 3 hours, we finished. She did it! I told her I was so proud of her ( like she was a puppy who peed outside for the first time!!) but knowing how hard it was, and that it was a serious issue, I really am proud of her to "let go" of things she once thought made her happy...but in the end, just cluttered her on the outside and probably inside as well. She said she felt so much better and feels the strength to do more "cleaning out" with help. praise God :)
Made me think on the way home...am I keeping things just cause I can't let go? Material things? Emotional things? What is "cluttering my life? I thought of many a things and decided to start physically and "let them go". Im choosing to let it go-start with physical-bagged more than 6 trash bags of cloths to give away, not needed,,etc.Do you have "clutter"? you prolly do..why you holding on to it? I think Im gonna now go and toss my childrens baby teeth....seriously, why do we keep them? We can't put em back in...hahahaha! .HAVE A GOOD DAY! No negative comments please-the world has enough negativity already!
PEACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of the things she keeps for reasons only God knows, is magazines. Seriously- from like 1970 on. When my brother or sister or I ask her why..she says "cause there may be an article or recipe in there"....SERIOUSLY??? Well, sure enough, last year when I was going thru a depressing time in my life,
( my Best Buddy who lived cross the states died of a heart attack) , she brings me an article FROM 1978 ON PRE MENTOPAUSAL AND HOW TO GET THRU IT!! WHAT???? Ma, seriously, thank you, but I would like to introduce you to a thing umm...called the uhhh...INTERNET? I am crying over the death of a loved one Ma.."Well, I thing you should read this anyway..you never know!" she says...WOW.
Which brings me to the other thing she hoards...CLOTHES! She has a guest room closet that I call the "overflow of clothes closet that I didnt even know a closet was there behind the clothes she had to hang on the trim cause the closet was so full" closet. My mom is a hoarder. Not the gross kind like on TV and people live with skelatal remains of cats they didnt know they had, but enough to make her feel so overwhelmed she doesnt wanna even touch it. After speaking with her about giving it to consignment shops or Purple Heart, SHE GAVE IN -WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! So gently, we went thru , no lie, approx 400 pieces of clothing hung up in the closet. They were VERY nice brands, which made it easier to give to consignment for her to at least get some financial help for them. In fact so nice...THEY HAD THE PRICE TAGS ON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone remember Gimbles? Strawbridge and Clothier? Well Im sure they would remember her SHE BOUGHT SO MUCH FROM THEM!!!!!!!!!!! Holy tags! Also, can we talk about the fact that my mom loved that Scottish plaid print? I dont even think a bagpiper has that much plaid! WOW! I dont know what size she is, cause she had so many different sizes in there, I thnk she could clothe the Duggar family! Some things she didnt even know she had, and got all excited caUse it was like Christmas for her! But lemme tell you - she knew and I got the story on EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING and why she bought it,,,who she was with....if it was on sale....and the event she bought it for. The hardest was when I pulled an outfit out-minus the skirt, that she wore for my Dads Funeral. She wanted to keep it-the jacket- cause everyone said she looked pretty in it that day. That was a hard but loving moment. Well after 3 hours, we finished. She did it! I told her I was so proud of her ( like she was a puppy who peed outside for the first time!!) but knowing how hard it was, and that it was a serious issue, I really am proud of her to "let go" of things she once thought made her happy...but in the end, just cluttered her on the outside and probably inside as well. She said she felt so much better and feels the strength to do more "cleaning out" with help. praise God :)
Made me think on the way home...am I keeping things just cause I can't let go? Material things? Emotional things? What is "cluttering my life? I thought of many a things and decided to start physically and "let them go". Im choosing to let it go-start with physical-bagged more than 6 trash bags of cloths to give away, not needed,,etc.Do you have "clutter"? you prolly do..why you holding on to it? I think Im gonna now go and toss my childrens baby teeth....seriously, why do we keep them? We can't put em back in...hahahaha! .HAVE A GOOD DAY! No negative comments please-the world has enough negativity already!
PEACE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, August 23, 2013
Let the Little Things Go
(k... day two and Im really proud of myself for being able to even log in without my neices help! ..Im really excited..jussayin)
Before Jim and I got maried, one of the best things that someone told me is to "Let the little things go..."
I was in" Bride Heaven" totally oblivious to what marriage was REALLY about- but hey- doesnt EVERYONE have the reception on their mind ? ...ur lyin.... Anywho, when she told me this, I was thinking like "Oh Jim and I wont fight ...We Love eachother!!! blah blah blah.... ICK! Never gave it another thought....til l we got married.
For me , it is very very hard to let things go-meaning peoples actions and or words..or even seeing someone treat someone wrong or unfair. Jim and I didnt live together before we were married, so WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up call! I had so many lil thing that I should just "let go" but no way! I was a very "dominant, get my point across even if your Helen Keller!!", kind of person! I will let it be known that your "little thing" bothered me, then Im gonna hold it over your head!
Hey - that got me real far...NOT.
So as time went on, I did let them go.....kinda...sorta.... Anywho, didnt last long cause then we had kids...(thats a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME and that is ALOT of "little things to let go"!!!!!!So we wont even go there..plus I have too many scars on my lip FROM BITING IT SO MUCH!!!) Carry on..over the years I started learning really what the little things were, and eventually picked and chose what to be upset over. And it has worked... Jim is a much better trained husband now..BAHAHA ONLY KIDDING! Seriously tho, we both learned.
I obtained a job as a claims Representative, for an Insurance Company. It really opened my eyes how people can really be over such "little things" For instance.. Bad Accident, injuries, someone totaled their car-we tell them the value -they ask "Did you include my leather steering wheel cover?" SERIOUSLY?? Uhhh- NO LEATHER TUSCADARO...not to be mean there but ummm-it was added on to the vehicle ..and if there was coverage.....u would get $2.50 for it!! No lie-response "Well can u look and see if I can get that reimbursement"? Oh. My. Stars.
When you start to really look at what matters its almost hysterical some of the little things people wont let go,,,or need to say (for no reason whatsoever)
Today I had to get Bloodwork done ..elder gentleman next to me having blood drawn as well. He begins to talk to the nurse and the nurse called his doctor a she. He immediatley corrected her by saying "IT IS A HE IF YOU SHOULD HAVE TO KNOW"??? Like Seriously..why? why respond like that? Cant ya just lookover that and continue the conversation nicely as she was? (Specially when shes got the needle in your arm dude...jussayin...) Then I had to go to Lanc County Dept of Welfare to renew Alisons benefits. And....whadya know...someone is in their chair making sure the NEIGHBORS heard her signs and complaints about how she waited for an 1/2 hr so far..Seriously? Do you have a lunch appt with the Pope? Cant ya just sit back and chill for a bit?
Im not saying I dont have my comments as well, personally I cant stand when peoplewhile crossing the street in front of me think its Disneyworld...looking around...I have a time or two..three.."reminded them " out my window that this isnt disney and get goin..So yeah- got faults
But thru this, things like that ya just gotta accept period! Im in a place right now where "My meal on my plate is anxiety with a side of depression " cause for so long, I fell back into the trap of not letting little things go-Its time I do, and thinkin alot more peole need to do so as well... So next time someone flys by you while driving- try giving them the benefit of the doubt..maybe their kid is hurt, maybe their child is being born...whatever it is, its really has nothing to do with YOUR world...so consider it a lil thing and let it go.Well, not gonna lie..if I see someone being treated unfair...lil bit still comes out...I speak my mind,, but HEY! THATS ME! I "politelyask them to refrain from their negitive remarks and that they should apologize to that individual for the way they treated them" ...there-hows that?
Dont leave any negitive comments on here- worlds got enough negitivity already- PEACEOUT!
Before Jim and I got maried, one of the best things that someone told me is to "Let the little things go..."
I was in" Bride Heaven" totally oblivious to what marriage was REALLY about- but hey- doesnt EVERYONE have the reception on their mind ? ...ur lyin.... Anywho, when she told me this, I was thinking like "Oh Jim and I wont fight ...We Love eachother!!! blah blah blah.... ICK! Never gave it another thought....til l we got married.
For me , it is very very hard to let things go-meaning peoples actions and or words..or even seeing someone treat someone wrong or unfair. Jim and I didnt live together before we were married, so WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wake up call! I had so many lil thing that I should just "let go" but no way! I was a very "dominant, get my point across even if your Helen Keller!!", kind of person! I will let it be known that your "little thing" bothered me, then Im gonna hold it over your head!
Hey - that got me real far...NOT.
So as time went on, I did let them go.....kinda...sorta.... Anywho, didnt last long cause then we had kids...(thats a WHOLE DIFFERENT BALLGAME and that is ALOT of "little things to let go"!!!!!!So we wont even go there..plus I have too many scars on my lip FROM BITING IT SO MUCH!!!) Carry on..over the years I started learning really what the little things were, and eventually picked and chose what to be upset over. And it has worked... Jim is a much better trained husband now..BAHAHA ONLY KIDDING! Seriously tho, we both learned.
I obtained a job as a claims Representative, for an Insurance Company. It really opened my eyes how people can really be over such "little things" For instance.. Bad Accident, injuries, someone totaled their car-we tell them the value -they ask "Did you include my leather steering wheel cover?" SERIOUSLY?? Uhhh- NO LEATHER TUSCADARO...not to be mean there but ummm-it was added on to the vehicle ..and if there was coverage.....u would get $2.50 for it!! No lie-response "Well can u look and see if I can get that reimbursement"? Oh. My. Stars.
When you start to really look at what matters its almost hysterical some of the little things people wont let go,,,or need to say (for no reason whatsoever)
Today I had to get Bloodwork done ..elder gentleman next to me having blood drawn as well. He begins to talk to the nurse and the nurse called his doctor a she. He immediatley corrected her by saying "IT IS A HE IF YOU SHOULD HAVE TO KNOW"??? Like Seriously..why? why respond like that? Cant ya just lookover that and continue the conversation nicely as she was? (Specially when shes got the needle in your arm dude...jussayin...) Then I had to go to Lanc County Dept of Welfare to renew Alisons benefits. And....whadya know...someone is in their chair making sure the NEIGHBORS heard her signs and complaints about how she waited for an 1/2 hr so far..Seriously? Do you have a lunch appt with the Pope? Cant ya just sit back and chill for a bit?
Im not saying I dont have my comments as well, personally I cant stand when peoplewhile crossing the street in front of me think its Disneyworld...looking around...I have a time or two..three.."reminded them " out my window that this isnt disney and get goin..So yeah- got faults
But thru this, things like that ya just gotta accept period! Im in a place right now where "My meal on my plate is anxiety with a side of depression " cause for so long, I fell back into the trap of not letting little things go-Its time I do, and thinkin alot more peole need to do so as well... So next time someone flys by you while driving- try giving them the benefit of the doubt..maybe their kid is hurt, maybe their child is being born...whatever it is, its really has nothing to do with YOUR world...so consider it a lil thing and let it go.Well, not gonna lie..if I see someone being treated unfair...lil bit still comes out...I speak my mind,, but HEY! THATS ME! I "politelyask them to refrain from their negitive remarks and that they should apologize to that individual for the way they treated them" ...there-hows that?
Dont leave any negitive comments on here- worlds got enough negitivity already- PEACEOUT!
Thursday, August 22, 2013
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